Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So. Much. Porn.
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