birth control should be required to get into college
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
