Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
