I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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