Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
