Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize