the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
