What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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