i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize