I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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