The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
