remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
