is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
