Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
