I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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