I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize