brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
