Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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