I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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