Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
