Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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