so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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