dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
