You work out of a Hotel?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
