I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
