too bad you live with your parents still
I just cut my nipple shaving
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
