I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
please don't ironically join a cult
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