worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
