I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
