Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
