new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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