Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize