thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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