oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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