so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
