the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
