so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
