literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
