i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
