this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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