it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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