smell my finger.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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