just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
