he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
