have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
