I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
