I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
