No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
