In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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