Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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