Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
