Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
