I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
