hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
