I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize