Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
