Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
