So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
