It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
