you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize