I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
