Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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