I'm gonna have a badass scar
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
