We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
