How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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