I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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