He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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