Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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